Circle of Life

The circle of life encourages us to grow physically, mentally and spiritually. We face challenges that may be new to us or even those that we have faced before and probably  will face again in the future. We continue on our own individual journey a series of deaths, lives and rebirths.

When I became unwell 6 years ago, everything changed; my whole world fell apart around me, the things I thought were of value paled into insignificance. The job and career that I loved, suddenly became less important, the love and emotional support of family and friends seem to fade as I battled with the constant chronic pain that no one could see. I began to think I was imagining this burning, aching, debilitation within my body, I was sleep deprived, I couldn’t even hold my cutlery to eat as the pain in my hands and fingers were so intense. My sense of freedom to do the things I have always enjoyed and taken for granted such as walking, driving, going out, suddenly had been taken from me. Leaving me feeling isolated and very much alone.

My childhood, a constant battle to fit it and be someone who I was expected to be. The pain I felt as a child was a deep sense of loneliness, an only child living in a world of busy grown-ups; a childhood of solemn self-reflection with limits and boundaries placed upon me. However it was also a childhood of connecting, I spent many hours on the swing in the garden, here I was able to be free, think clearly, daydream and imagine who and what I was going to be, my hopes, dreams and future life was planned out. Whilst I was on that swing I believed, anything is possible. So, what happened?

I stopped listening to my soul, I stopped feeling with my heart, I stopped believing in fairies, gnomes and father Christmas. I became an adult, who analysed everything, who thought things through, who used the logical part of my brain to make decisions. I asked for advice, I stopped using my intuition and gut feeling, I stopped paying attention to the signals that my body was giving me.

I had the warning signs, a bit of pain in my knees, hips and back, problems with my sleep, feeling overwhelmed by simple tasks. I kept ignoring the signs that my body was struggling, and carried on for months.

I finally had to take notice with the side swipe that knocked me to the floor, you are not listening, you are not caring for your soul, you have stopped nurturing yourself. You will listen, you will rest, you will Stop. I had no choice but to revaluate what was happening to me, pain and illness can have a devastating impact on your life, if you allow it to take over.

It was then that I was given space, time to breath, time to be on that metaphorical swing as age and illness prevented me going to the park; the space then became filled with all the things that were really important to me and my wellbeing. I met people that I knew would be supportive, loving and caring, dusting me off and guiding me back to listening to my soul, allowing my heart to rule my head once again and choosing my weapons to fight my battle with fibromyalgia.

It was recently that I met up again with Christa and Sally for a workshop of Shamanic Journeying held at Lupton House. It was almost a year ago that I attended my first Shamanic workshop in November last year. This time it was so different I knew what to expect and I was also accompanied by my own Birthed drum. I think for me, exploring Shamanic practice is about reconnecting to nature, the ancestors and my soul, to experience what I need to know and carry out to heal myself, it is about going into an altered state of consciousness to explore, what makes me, who I am.

I selected The Circle of Life card at the start of the workshop, signifying all things are possible, stand in the centre and be open. The four winds are bringing your dreams to fruition. Embrace and accept where you are in the great circle of life. When this card chooses you, its time to honour and cherish all aspects of the great circle. All parts of the journey have beauty and grace. There is beauty in the rising sun just as there is in the setting sun. To only revel in the rising sun and demean times of endings, depletes your energy. Choose what is..... and you become master of your own personal universe.

I have experienced altered states when meditating, guided visualisation, day dreaming and even bird watching. As a child I was often daydreaming especially at school, having the ability to drift off, shift my mind away from reality, to perceive that which is beyond the ordinary. Exploring these realms that exist outside of my own reality of physical sense and thinking allows me to unlock my understanding of myself and who I am and see my world from a different angle. Altering my brain wave pattern from Beta waves used in thought, concentration and creativity to Alpha waves of relaxation producing a feeling of euphoria and wellbeing. This is very healing.

Journeying with the use of both the drum and gongs together and separately can take me to a deeper state of altered consciousness by using Theta wavelengths provided by the beat of the drum. I start the journey by setting my intent, what I require, what I need, then allowing the thoughts, pictures, feelings, smells that I experience to happen as it is, without trying to analyse or change the experience. It is, what it is; I then provide myself with time and space to reflect on what I have discovered.

During the workshop at Lupton I was finding it challenging to reconnect to my power animal, my ego was getting in the way and preventing me from having the experience, I was trying to analyse and make decisions whilst in an altered state and this led to frustration. Later in the day when we were asked to journey for someone else, I allowed what I saw, felt, heard and smelt be the experience and it was amazing as it made sense to the person I was journeying for; my ego and rational thinking could play no part in what was happening in that moment. A lesson to trust, believe and let go.

I believe that by Shamanic journeying and entering an altered state of consciousness I am allowing my body to support its own wellbeing; as did our ancient ancestors. It is time to return to the old ways without the use of chemical or medical intervention. I can connect to my heart, soul and spirit and learn what I need to do to heal myself. I do not always need to attend a workshop as Sally and Christa have made a brilliant recording of the drum and gongs, enabling me to take these journeys at home.

Using the CD for a recent journey I was able to set my intent to reconnect with my power animals that I encountered last November. I was able to allow my altered state of consciousness to explore and experience what I needed to know.

She sits daydreaming on the swing with all her hopes and dreams, trusting her intuition and listening to her soul speak, not from her head………from her heart.

Reset your mind, body and soul

Wouldn’t it be good if we could press the reset button and our body went back to factory mode setting; well only if you were manufactured with the perfect body to start with. Now that is wishful thinking!

I am thinking of more a life, before chronic pain took hold. I started the reset process in my body this month with a Gong Bath, it was amazing, I fell asleep, when I woke up I was startled at how bright it was, despite the cloudy day. This can sometimes happen after a therapy, you suddenly become aware of nature and things seem so much more emphasised, larger, louder, clearer, softer…… it was like I had gone into default mode, experiencing a rebirth moment. It has been a while since I had a full dedicated gong bath that was not on a retreat or at a festival. My body went yes, this is OK, I remember this, wow, sleep, rest………RESET!

I decided this month to experience a totally new type of sound therapy to me. It is using the very old and ancient sound of the Tibetan bowls, where the bowls are played and placed on and around the body.

I am always up for trialling any type of holistic treatment that may assist in the management of my pain caused by fibromyalgia, I decided not to have any other therapies whilst I gave the bowls ago, so that I could really judge the impact of them on my body.

My first session was interesting, having previously experienced the crystal bowls I was not sure what to expect for this treatment. I was made to feel comfortable on the therapy bed, then gently held by my ankles which were pulled to open my chakras, (please just stay with this, if it all sounds a bit weird). I then had my chakras dowsed to see which were unbalanced and to determine which bowls would be used.

I then turned over onto my stomach with my head up near most of the bowls positioned on the floor. Bowls were gently placed along my spine and each encouraged to sing. I must be honest at this point; to begin with I did not enjoy it. It made me feel sick. Then gently the bowls were moved up and down my body. When a bowl was removed to be replaced by another one, I could feel my body tensing and I was in half a mind to ask her to stop. As with most therapies I have discovered that you need to give it a go and sometimes more than once; as it is the bodies way of adjusting to a new stimulus, or as I like to think pressing the factory reset button.

When I turned over to lay on my back and have the bowls placed on my front I felt this fear of dread and sick to my very core, not what I was expecting from a relaxing Tibetan bowl therapy session! However, I continued to persevere with the treatment. At the end as with most sound therapy there is a small amount of silence allowing the body to integrate and the body’s cells to absorb what has happened. It was then suggested that I would need a further two sessions to really feel if there was a benefit.

Following the first session, over the next few days I did feel less pain and tension in my hips, knees and ankles. I then became quite unwell I think possibly a virus, which knocked me sideways, I found that I was unable to do much over the weekend with little energy, a nasty cough, sore throat and a nose that would not stop running. I almost cancelled my appointment for the 2nd treatment, but I woke up feeling better. I was uncertain if the treatment had caused this or if I had picked up a virus, I will never know.

Having the second Tibetan bowl treatment could not have been so different from the first, although the session was structured the same. My body seemed to be more accepting of the sound vibration and when the bowls were being moved on my back It felt comforting and cocoon like, I could feel the very bronchioles deep within my lungs being massaged. Now that is a bit weird! The whole time the bowls were being played I did not cough once, my nose did not run, I was left feeling more energised. I was told that having dowsed my chakras, they indicated that my immune system was compromised.

My third session again was very different, my body was accepting of the treatment and no feelings of dread or sickness. Only two bowls were used on me this time and one was so deep and reverberating I had a feeling that it was ‘searching for my soul’, there was a concentration on my hips, knees and ankles and each time a joint was reached, the bowl was gently chimed. The vibrational feeling went right into the centre of each one, so very powerful. During the silence at the end I had a sensation of going back very quickly through a star-studded black void and then just as quickly shooting forward into a bright sparkling light as if going through granite, I then felt grounded. It was like past, present and future rolled into one; my mind, body and soul reset; very surreal.

After the session had ended I asked about the big deep sounding bowl, that seemed to be searching for my soul, it was explained that it was the largest bowl and usually is not moved around the body as the magnetic handle placed within it, will not normally hold. It decided to hold for me, maybe what my body needed.

How am I feeling now? Different, I can’t quite explain what has happened; it is as though something has shifted deep in my core, my soul feels lighter, balanced, grounded at one with by body. I have not noticed any pain. If that’s what happens after three session I daren’t even begin to imagine if I continue to have more. Sound therapy for me is an incredibly important part of my pain management plan, giving me the opportunity to press the reset button…….

Do What Makes You Happy

I have not had the desire to pick up my drum, practice yoga or go for a healing treatment, I just wanted to be……I think it is important to listen to your body, let your soul and spirit speak to you and feel what is in your heart. We spend so much of our lives trying to please other people and not necessarily ourselves. Sometimes you need to be selfish and do what is the right thing for you. Do what makes you happy, do what makes your heart sing, do what you want to do, when you want to do it, even if it is just for a short time.

Just before I took my healing sojourn this month, I attended the annual Lupton Festival, I got there in plenty of time for the opening ceremony which we were all given strips of coloured ribbon to attach onto the ancient oak tree on the front lawn of the house. It was a very magical and special moment. I have always had a strong affinity with the Lupton Healing Oak Tree, its majestic trunk routed firmly in the ground with its boughs spreading out, enveloping me in a massive comforting hug, supporting a whole universe of other plants and creatures within its branches. If I place my heart against its truck I can feel totally at one with the energy of the universe, plus no one bats an eyelid if you hug a tree here.

I attended several workshops at the festival although it was on for two days I was only able to make it on the Saturday. I enjoyed a wonderful gong bath with Sally and then this followed with a Shamanic journey facilitated by Christa together with Sally and the gongs; both therapies I found to be very powerful and healing, they took place in a marque and lying on a blanket on the grass with the sound of the fountain in the background really solidified the whole experience.

Later in the day I moved into the coolness of the Sanctuary to make my own Traditional Incense with Mortar and Pestle Magick, following a delicious vegetarian wrap for lunch, I headed back to the Sanctuary for an Orgonite Workshop, the three pieces that I created are now spread about my home and apart from the benefits of turning negative into positive energy they look amazing. I was unable to stay for the evening, which included fire walking, music and drumming no doubt it was an enjoyable night. I however felt immense gratitude for allowing myself the time to do something that makes me happy.

It was in the first week of my holiday I decided to try an activity that I had not done for years. As a child, I used to cycle everywhere, giving me the freedom and independence to go off to explore. Becoming older and in not so great health I still have that desire to feel the wind in my face and that sense of freedom once again. I decided to hire a bike, the route chosen was alongside an estuary on a cycle path, I thought it would be flat, but suddenly a hill emerged along route and I had to get off and push, the bike I hired had only three gears and a very uncomfortable saddle. I was a bit wobbly to start with, once I realised you never forget how to ride a bike, the feeling of freedom and the wind through my hair brought the biggest smile to my face. My only fear was fatigue taking hold of my body, leaving me struggling to get home. Luckily despite being a bit achy when we returned to our starting point, nothing that a cup of herbal tea and a big slice of salted caramel chocolate brownie wouldn’t put right!

It was then I decided to try an electric bike………hills, no problem and when I feel a bit tired, pressing a button and it is as if someone is giving you a little push that helps you to dig a little deeper. I’m now hooked on cycling again at last I can do a physical activity without the fear of running out of steam. Yes, you have guessed it, this makes me happy.

I have always loved to dance, usually it has been in a club, at a party or more recently around a fire. I was somewhat surprised that whilst in my local supermarket a track was being played that found me shaking some moves down the fruit and veg aisles. It all came a bit too naturally and made me chuckle. I realised it was a track that we have in the Zumba class. I cannot wait to get back to it and perfect those routines, so I can go shake my booty whilst carrying out the weekly shop. This is going to make me happy.

It wasn’t until earlier this week that I returned to my weekly yoga practice. Since I started Kundalini yoga earlier this year, it is a practice that fills my body with energy and gives it a good work out and I have noticed an increase in my lung capacity, practicing the breathing techniques. The mediation and mantras we do give me the opportunity to look inwards. The beautiful village location has a wonderful energy and a great outlook onto the meadow behind. I leave the class feeling amazing and watching the cows run across the field gently lowing to the farmer always makes me smile. This makes me happy.

My mum always said, ‘Do what makes you happy’. So that is exactly what I intend to do. Life is very precious, and we are here for only a short amount of time, so doing things that make you unhappy cannot be good for your wellbeing. No matter what challenges my health throws at me, if I am doing what makes me smile, all will be well in my little corner of the world.